Three Year Anniversary

This is one of those strange anniversaries which I debate whether to acknowledge or not. Three years ago today I fell at work and shattered my leg. I do not stop to pause to mark this day in order to lament or wallow, although I do acknowledge the hardships and changes that have come as a result of this accident. Rather I stop to acknowledge just how far I have come and how pleased I am with where I am right now despite that fateful day when I made a poor choice of where to stand.

This week was Spring Break for us at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary (and for UT and all schools in Austin, I think). Twenty Five years ago some folks decided that Spring Break was too quiet in Austin so they began a little music festival known as SXSW (South by Southwest), which is now an international event. Having just moved here in August I was very excited for my first SXSW and it didn't disappoint. I saw lots of great music and got to spend time with my friends.

In addition to the great music and revelry of St. Patrick's Day there were also several other cool things that I did this week. Several of us marched and rallied with teachers at the Capitol at the Save TX Schools rally last Saturday morning. That evening one of my classmates got married and many from our seminary community were there to celebrate with him and his new bride

Last night Allie, Alex and I went to Mt. Bonnell, climbed about 100 stairs to see the moon, which was kind of a bust. The view of the city, surrounding landscape and sunset was actually better than all the fuss about the moon, but we had fun. We think it may be because everything is bigger in Texas, it just didn't seem that big to us. I would like to know how they managed to turn it burnt orange though. That was a good trick.

The other major news right now is that my car is currently having issues again. I think I need a new starter. Between just getting around, the teacher march, SXSW and all the other fun that I had this week I think I must have walked about a dozen miles this week. That's not a lot for most, but for me and considering how I spent most of 2008, I felt that this was an anniversary worth marking.

"The blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he cured them." Matthew 21:14

My leg may not be cured to what it was prior to the accident, but there is no doubt in my mind that I have been healed by the hand of Christ. The hand that came through the skilled surgical talents of Dr. Ove, Dr. Brumback, and Dr. Higgins; through the infection fighting medicine and care of Dr. Campbell; through the nurses and staff at Anne Arundel Medical Center and Union Memorial Hospital; through the care and motivation from Jessica, Amanda, Sarah, Amy and everyone at OSMC physical therapy; from Wendy my home care nurse; Sandy my case manager; the amazing staff and congregation of FPC Annapolis; the friends and family who sent cards, emails, visited, brought food, provided rides and LOTS of encouragement and love. I wouldn't be where I am now if not for you.

I can now also add to that list the wonderful folks that I have met here in Austin and all of the fun things that there are to do in this town. I'm doing my best to not let a bum knee keep me from enjoying everything I can while I'm here.

School is going well this semester. Although Hebrew is proving to be a fun challenge. Even though our homework looks a bit like Elementary School work, there is no doubt that this is MUCH harder than "See Dick and Jane run"

Time Flies When You Are Having Fun

Man this summer has just been flying by and there have been some major events and milestones since my last post.

Our youth group trip to Philadelphia was absolutely amazing. The folks at Broad Street Ministry are doing amazing things and it was such a great experience for us to get to work with them and meet the people of Philly. The main down side was how brutally hot the week was and the fact that the church is not air conditioned. We worked hard, sweated A LOT, and had lots of fun too. We had one free afternoon and went out for Cheese Steaks and also ran the steps at the art museum just like Rocky (OK, I was not exactly running like Rocky, but I did manage to hobble all the way up the steps and do the classic victorious pose at the top like I've wanted to do since elementary school!)



Starting 4th of July weekend, I spent a week on vacation with my family at Bethany Beach. Bethany put on a fantastic firework display on the beach and then a really nice parade the next day. I'm still partial to Deep Creek Lake, but I love swimming in the ocean and honestly as long as our family is together we could be in the middle of nowhere and it would be fun.

I thoroughly enjoyed my annual obsession with le Tour de France and geeked out with my Twitter friends following the PC(USA) General Assembly via their posts from the meeting and following the live streaming feed whenever I could. This gathering occurs every two years and is the national forum where our denomination discusses, debates and votes on the big issues facing our church and the world - gay marriage, ordination standards, the Middle East, etc.

I returned from vacation and assisted with Vacation Bible School at church. I helped coordinate youth volunteers who did a skit each morning for the children, ran games, and assisted adult leaders with their groups. I also lead worship for the children the final day of the week. Five half hour sessions back to back with 12-15 kids in each group. Its a whirlwind of activity, exhausting and one of my favorite weeks each year that I have worked at the church.

I finally had my hearing with the Workers' Compensation Commission to determine my permanent impairment and the financial award insurance will pay to compensate me for the current state of my leg. After the reports of two doctors and the testimony before the commission they have decided that I have a 60% loss of use of my right leg as a result of my accident. Basically, I'm not going to get rich as a result of this decision, but I should be able to finish seminary relatively, if not completely debt free (my disability award combined with other grants and scholarships that I will be receiving). I'd trade my leg function for debt in a heartbeat, but since that is not a choice that I am able to make I'll take the financial benefit.

I hit the big 4-0 a week ago. That combined with going away send-offs has had me celebrating daily and savoring every moment that I can with friends, co-workers and family. It has been a blast. My family threw a party for me last weekend that was to be a BBQ at our community beach, but mother nature had other ideas. A huge storm hit minutes after we finished setting up and shortly before the first guest arrived, so we relocated the party to my parent's house. It was so much fun to see all of my different circles of friends together in one place - co-workers, church members, youth group teens, karaoke buddies, life long friends, neighbors and my family.

On my actual birthday I got to go sailing out on the bay with my good friends the Rizzo's. Check out his blog post about our sail and for some great photos.

This morning was my last day as Director of Youth Ministries at First of Annapolis. I was commissioned during the worship service to go to seminary and they had an ice cream social afterward for me. They even ended the service with one of my favorite Ben Harper songs for the postlude. At the reception I received lots of cards, hugs, a set of Anglican prayer beads made by the youth, BibleWorks software for exegesis, and a generous financial gift. I am going to miss everyone so much, but am really getting excited for my move and to start school.

This week will be filled with packing, dump runs, and final get togethers and farewells.

I am truly blessed.

Time is getting short

Less than two months until I hit the road for Texas. Life has been a lot of fun and I am trying to thoroughly enjoy my time here in Annapolis before heading off to school. I've been getting out a lot and spending time with my friends and family as much as possible. Since my last post much has happened.

I had another wonderful time up in Princeton at the Youth Ministry Forum. I got to meet a bunch of my Twitter friends "in real life" and got to hang out and reconnect with several of my Princeton/Lawrenceville friends from past visits. It was great to see Sara, Laura, Rich & Greer, Mark and Katie again. And I managed a trip to and from Jersey without any police incidents, so that's a big improvement over last year! The forum's featured speakers were outstanding this year. Kenda Creasy Dean, Shane Claiborne and the Reverend Peter Gomes were all excellent.

At church, we've wrapped up another program year and I'm prepping for our group to spend a week in Philadelphia with Broad Street Ministry. Should be a great week full of service learning projects, meeting new people and will be the biggest group that I've taken on a week long mission trip since I've been in youth ministry. In other youth related news - Youth Sunday was fantastic this year. I am so proud of the job that they did. The sermons, music, prayers and entire service was off the charts good. Confirmation Class concluded, we recognized a huge (18) class of graduating seniors and I managed to get through both without crying. The search committee has been accepting resumes and hopefully they will have a replacement for my position lined up before I leave. Still kind of sinking in that I will not be the youth director at First of Annapolis in a few short weeks.

I got to hang with Dan and Megan while they were back in the country briefly and check out their house in DC where they will be living when he finishes at Trinity and Birmingham.

My poker buddies and karaoke friends have been a ton of fun to hang out with and I am really going to miss them even though some of them I've only just met in the last few months. They are both a great bunch of folks (with some overlap between the groups) and they have done wonders to help me get over my stage fright and to just have FUN. After the last two years it has been just what the doctor ordered.

This week I received my housing assignment from Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. Initially they had me assigned to an apartment building the students lovingly refer to as "the leper colony" because it's about a block away from the rest of the campus. I was also assigned a second floor unit and the building has no elevator. This was a mistake because they had missed the fact that I have mobility issues and need either a ground floor unit or a building with an elevator. They were extremely accommodating when I called to tell them my problem. Within ten minutes the housing director called back with a ground floor unit in one of the buildings right on campus. It happened to be a 2 bedroom, instead of a 1 bedroom (for only $15 more per month) so I've really lucked out. The school has the floor plans on their web site, so this is the layout of my new home. Sure makes it nice and easy to plan what furniture I'll take and where it will go when I get there.
And speaking of my mobility issues, my hearing with the Worker's Compensation Commission will be in a month to determine my permanency rating and hopefully I can close the book on this whole accident and bureaucracy chapter once and for all.

I've recently reconnected with my high school sweetheart through Facebook and she lives outside of Houston with her husband and two girls. Having made the same transition that I am about to make, from the shores of the Chesapeake to Texas, she has been a wealth of information about what I need to prepare for culturally in Texas, what I must do here in Maryland before I leave and has some great suggestions for my road trip down. Gonna do a little Elizabethtown style road trip on the way there. My cousin and his wife are planning on driving up from Atlanta and meeting me in Tennessee for a few days of sight seeing together on my way out. I really want to hit the Grand Ole Opry, Jack Daniel's Distillery, Sun Records, Graceland, and the Civil Rights Museum on the way. My buddy Andy is planning on making the drive with me too. Should be a lot of fun.

Last but not least, my best friends Doug and Penni have made me an uncle again this week. Melody Soul Day was born Monday morning June 14th 12:48am. 6 pounds 4 ounces and she is beautiful!

A Recap of Recent Events

My first blog post of 2010. A quick look back shows me that January 2010 is the first month that I didn't post anything since I started this back in March of 2008. The last two months have been a bit of a whirlwind and I did a fair amount of writing for my seminary applications, so I guess that's partially to blame for the lack of writing here.

Youth Job
Things have been pretty busy on the youth front. In January we had our ski trip, the confirmation class retreat to DC for a world religions tour, and last weekend we held our annual fundraiser - the Youth Auction. Each of those alone is a lot of work and pretty exhausting, but all three in the same month...wow. It was intense.

The budget at church proved to be quite difficult again this year and my position was in jeopardy of being cut. Actually that was the recommendation of the Finance and Stewardship Committee and what I expected to happen. My job has been funded by a special gift and has not been in the actual budget for the three years that I've held it. It was supposed to be added last year, but due to a shortage they were not able to do that. This year when funds came up short again and with the gift practically depleted I was anticipating the position being cut. This had nothing to do with me personally, just a reality of the budget woes. When the session (church elders that make decisions) met to approve the budget, they said NO to the recommendation. They said that the youth program was too important not to have a Youth Director and told the committee to go back to work on the budget. Everyone had to make cuts and the position was added to the permanent budget as was the intention last year. I couldn't be happier with the fact that the church values the youth program and with the message that sends to our youth and their families. Personally there is a downside though - the position, which has been a 15 hour a week part time one has been reduced to a 10 hour a week one with my salary cut by a third. It will require some restructuring of the job responsibilities and the hours that I spend doing youth work. The session said that the primary focus of my position should be face-to-face time with the youth, so the administrative aspects of my job will have to be shifted around a bit. We are in the process of figuring out how that will look going forward.

Seminary
My first applications, to Princeton Theological Seminary and to Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary have been submitted and I am close to being finished with applications to Columbia Theological Seminary and Union-PSCE (Soon to be called Union Presbyterian Seminary). I have visits scheduled to see these schools and am anxious to get a feel for their campuses, meet students and faculty, and get a better sense of where I would like to study. My visit to Union-PSCE was actually supposed to be last week but it was snowed out. Richmond got hit with more than a foot of snow and they had to close campus so the Days for Discovery were canceled.

Workers Comp
On the Workers Compensation front, things are close to being completed. I worked with a vocational counselor from August until about two weeks ago and have been seeking employment to replace the full time job which I am no longer physically able to perform. As you've no doubt seen on the news, the employment situation is bleak. But I have recently had a few interviews and am hopeful that I will find something soon. The next/final step in the workers comp process is to have a permanency hearing. I will have to been seen by a few doctors first and they will determine my permanent impairment. Apparently there is a chart with body parts, percentage impairment and how many week's wages that translates to. With a couple of doctor's reports and this chart they will determine my final impairment "award."(something just sounds wrong about using that word - Congratulations you've permanently broken yourself!) I don't know when that hearing will take place, but I am anxious to have it over and done with to end this chapter.

Personal
I don't want to go into too much detail, but on the marital front I've had a pretty rough couple of months. After over a year of separation Danielle and I agreed to move forward with divorce. Unfortunately, before the process could get underway things got a bit messy. She was struggling with some of her old demons and things got pretty scary. The good news is that she is now doing much better, is getting the help that she needs and I have more hope for her well being than I have had in a couple of years. Things are now moving forward to legally end our marriage but we are on good terms and both want what is best for the other.

Snowpacolypse #2
I write this post from the heart of yet another blizzard. Hard to believe what they are predicting, but based on what's happening outside I think that they are correct that this will be very similar to what we got on December 19th if not worse. This is the third snowfall this week and there are apparently two more coming right behind it. I'm hunkered down with plenty of food, sodas, snacks and more essays to write for grad school applications. So as long as we don't lose power I should be just fine. Actually, even if I do lose power I'll be fine.

A Long July

My apologies for how "quiet" my blog has been recently. July was a long difficult month. It feels like a lifetime ago that I returned from the youth mission trip. July started out with a busy week sandwiched between the mission trip and my family vacation. A week spent doing testing for the workers compensation process, several work items, saying goodbye to my good friend Dan who will be studying in Ireland for at least the next year, and preparing for being away from home for another week. The kennels that I prefer were all booked on the 4th of July, so I couldn't leave until Sunday morning. I missed the first night at the lake with the family, but met up with everyone at my cousin Brad's high school graduation party outside of Pittsburgh. It was great to see my aunts, uncles and cousins. We had a really nice day, ate tons of delicious food and I spent a good bit of time drooling over cousin Steven's new Harley.

Our week at the lake was really nice except for the fact that most of us were fighting a summer cold for at least part of the week. I actually spent one whole day in bed with chills, a sore throat and a horrible headache. We still had a really nice time and it was very relaxing, but there ought to be some sort of law against being sick on vacation. It was also my first vacation in fifteen years without Danielle, so that added a strange dimension to the week for me. Luckily swimming, boating, tubing, fishing and being with my family were way too much fun to allow either the cold or the lack of my spouse to overshadow them.

I returned from vacation to a very busy week at the church. On Sunday the 12th our youth group, along with the Anglican youth group down the street and two young ladies from the Czech Republic (visiting our church for 6 weeks), went to Quiet Waters Park and rented kayaks, canoes, and peddle boats for an afternoon on the water. Monday through Friday that week our church was a buzz with over 65 kids for Vacation Bible School. Many of the teens from our youth group and St. Anne's group help shepherd the little ones around and I lead worship in the style of Taizé on Thursday. Its always a lot of fun and quite exhausting. Five groups rotate through in 30 minute intervals with barely a chance to catch your breath. At the end of the week Miss, my good friend and the Director of Childrens Ministry, and I took the 20 teen helpers out for pizza. On Saturday the 18th we had a great turn out of current youth and some college students home for the summer at Sweat Equity to work on our church campus.

The workers compensation process has taken a few bizarre turns this past month. After the function evaluation was completed, I met with my vocational counselor again and we reviewed a rough draft of the plan he has drawn up. As he had told me previously, my plans for seminary are too far down the road to incorporate into their vocational plan, so they are recommending I go back into mortgages or some other similar office based occupation for the time being. He said that since I have a college degree and a prior career that was not physical there wasn't much that they would do for me other than provide leads and monitor my job search. I was advised that perhaps it would make more sense for me to investigate the possibility of a permanency award since I am now considered to be permanently partially disabled, and handle the job search on my own. Unfortunately I have run into several dead ends attempting to get answers regarding a permanent award. While trying to get answers and navigate this maze of bureaucracy a new adjuster took over my file. She "discovered" that I have been working my youth job part time while receiving disability checks for my facility job and feels that I have been overpaid for the last year and a half. She stopped authorizing my disability checks and has been in the process of recalculating my benefits for the last two weeks. I put discovered in quotes because this has been very much out in the open from the very beginning. I am awaiting something formal in writing so that I can appeal to the state Workers' Compensation Commission and have contacted an attorney since this has suddenly gotten very complicated.

Where the beginning of this month was chocked full of activity, the end of the month was way too empty leaving what felt like far too much time to dwell on the problems with my disability claim, the passing of my first wedding anniversary since my wife left me, and the first time in over 16 months without doctor appointments or physical therapy. I have very much been "in the thick of it" for the last 16 months. This lull was no fun, but I realize that it was a very necessary step in my healing process. I needed the down time to reflect, digest and experience a lot of the emotions that got pushed aside while I was in crisis mode.

The end of July also included my 39th birthday. I celebrated with my family at my parents' house on the 23rd and then enjoyed a concert on the 24th featuring two of my favorite artists. I finally got to see Willie Nelson live, although he was chased off of the stage by a lightening storm after only 4 or 5 songs. The best performance of the night was by the artist who interested me the least going in. John Mellencamp put on quite a show and had everyone dancing and singing along. The headliner for the tour was the one and only Bob Dylan who unfortunately was not in the mood to enunciate (even more than usual). Luckily I've seen him previously and I know he can put on a great live show, because this was not an inspired performance, although the song selection was great and the band was fabulous.

Last month had its highlights and the good definitely outweighed the bad, but I must say I am glad that July is behind us. I'm looking forward to making progress on the Workers' Compensation issues this month, gearing up for the beginning of the program year with the youth group, getting back to work on a full time basis and making some headway on my investigation of seminaries.

Highlights of my week

Wow, I've had a pretty busy week. Highlights included -

• Took care of the dogs on my own for the first full week in over a year.
• Youth group Sweat Equity last Saturday morning. So nice to wear dirty clothes, smell saw dust, and be around all the work happening on campus again.
  
• A couple of meetings at church.
• Reconnected through Facebook with my USNA roommate Dan. Talked on the phone for a while. Turns out he now lives in Towson and we are going to get together when I get home from the youth trip.
• Had sushi lunch with Brandon
• Got a package in the mail with lots of goodies from Sara F.
  
• PT twice
• Hung out with Dan, August, Sara W., and Tammy.
• Saw UP in 3-D
• Talked to Megan and Becca in Texas with Skype. Very cool!
  
• Saw Doug play at Pusser's (He's there every Friday night out on the deck 5-9pm all Summer)
• Tied up loose ends for the youth mission trip with a lot of help from Becky.
• Ran into my college girlfriend, Krissy. Met her husband and three sons.
• Helped Danielle with her homework (long story)
• No Internet connection at home for the last 2 days - major Facebook and blog withdrawal symptoms. Trying to get my fill today before I'm away from the PC for 6 days while chaperoning the youth trip with my sister.
• Attended a full immersion baptism today. First one I've ever seen and the first for our church as far as we are aware. Great day for it. The sun broke through the clouds and there were osprey overhead during the service which was in Bay Ridge. Gundel Bowen and I couldn't help but sing "Down to the river" (song most know from the Allison Krauss version in Oh Brother Where Art Thou?)
• Missed seeing my dad on Father's Day, but am glad he, mom, John and Pat are having a great time.
• Laundry, packing and pre-trip jitters.
  

Tomorrow Becky and I are taking 6 teens from the youth group to the Calvin Center south of Atlanta. I will get to go through airport security for the first time since getting my new hardware and am anxious to see how that goes.

While we are there we will be participating in the Global Villages

A place to be confronted with the never ending conditions that millions live in around the world. It brings people together to live and experience for a pre-determined period of time to understand what and how day to day life occurs in many developing countries.

and their Mission Work Camp.

Through an established connection with Meals on Wheels, elderly home owners are identified that need help with home renovations. Typical projects consist of painting, simple carpentry, yard work, and cleaning.

We're also going to spend a day at Six Flags. I'm sure we'll have lots to share when we return and hopefully will have some good pictures to post as well. I'd better get to bed since I've got to get up early to drop the dogs at the kennel. I hope everyone has a great week! Keep our group in your thoughts and prayers.

A New Phase on the Workman's Comp Front

Thursday I had two rather important appointments and have now officially entered a new phase in the Workman's Compensation process.

First I met with the Vocational Counselor that was assigned to me by the insurance company adjuster. We went over the results of the Career Assessment Inventory test that I took and he showed me the plan that he has drawn up for what they will do to get me off of disability and back to work once the doctor OKs it. No real surprises on either. They do not plan on any training for me and propose that I find a job that isn't physically demanding which shouldn't be too much of a stretch considering my degree and resume. Seminary is too far down the road for that to fit into my vocational plan (as far as the insurance company is concerned), so I will need to find something to do that won't be a long term career move, but will pay the bills while I apply to schools and figure out where I'm going, when I'm going and how I'm going to pay for school. The plan won't be finalized until the doctor says its time for me to be finished with treatment and they also need to list any restrictions in the plan.

When I finished with that meeting I was off to Baltimore to see Dr. Brumback. As always I got an x-ray as soon as I arrived and happily he didn't say anything like this cartoon to the left. He was pleased that things appear unchanged and I have had no symptoms indicating that the infection has returned. We talked about the worker's compensation process and he declared me to be MMI (Maximum Medical Improvement) which officially ends the treatment phase of my case. I'm still doing physical therapy on my own twice a week at the gym and he said there could still be slight improvements and changes for the next several months, but for all intents and purposes this is as good as I'm going to get as far as the medical professionals are concerned. My knee bends somewhere in the 50-60 degree range and I can walk/ stand without my cane for short distances/times. It's been 16 months since my accident, but every once in a while it hits me that I am permanently partially disabled. This was one of those days. Intellectually I've known this for some time now, but there has been and continues to be a small bit of hope inside me that still believes that I will bend my knee again. Hearing the doctor say MMI didn't completely erase that hope, but it sure shrunk it quite a bit.
The MMI declaration filled one of the holes in the vocational plan, but they still need to list my physical restrictions. The doctor will not/can not state these so at the request of my nurse case manager he has ordered a FCE (Functional Capabilities Evaluation) for me. I will go to a facility that will put me through a course of tests so that they can come up with a list of parameters for me. It will be an independent report that says things like - "should not lift more than X lbs. should not be required to stand for more than X minutes/hours. should primarily be in a desk job that does not require a lot of walking." or something along those lines. I imagine that this will not be a very enjoyable day of testing. I may be wrong, but envision them testing the boundaries of my capabilities in order to determine what I can and can't do. So being pushed to the point of failure repeatedly should be a nice swift kick to the old ego.

So now I'm waiting for the FCE to be scheduled. Once that is done then the Vocational Rehabilitation Plan will be completed. Then the insurance company, the counselor, and I all have to agree and sign it to put the plan into effect. The plan basically says that they will keep paying me disability checks while I look for a new job that fits my new physical limitations. They have made a few suggestions based on my college degree, mortgage background, and management experience and will provide me with leads, but I'm pretty much on my own to find a job, so if you know of any openings in the Annapolis area by all means let me know. Thanks!

Worker's Comp Update

With all the crazy MVA and police issues I forgot to post about a major event on my disability situation. The insurance company assigned a vocational counselor to my case. So even though Dr. Brumback hasn't officially declared me to be at Maximum Medical Improvement they have decided that I am close enough to start working towards get me back to work. He is employed by the same company that my Nurse Case Manager works for, so like her he is not directly employed by the insurance company. That way he can be objective and represent their interests and mine. We had a 90 minute interview last week, he took a resume and we discussed my future career plans. He doesn't make the ultimate decision, but helps facilitate my job search, arranges training if need be and reports to the insurance company. He gave me a 370 question "test" that I filled out this week to determine what type of career I might be suited for. It was a list of activities, jobs and academic subjects that I had to bubble in whether-

• I would really like the topic
• somewhat like the topic
• if I was indifferent/undecided
• somewhat dislike the topic or
• if I really dislike the topic.

It gets mailed off to some testing company and he'll set up another meeting when he has the results.

On a similar topic, I will be attending the session meeting at church next Tuesday night so that they can ask me questions about my Inquirer Application and vote on whether or not to support it and refer me to the Presbytery's Committee.

The Ministry of Silly Walks

My new T-Shirt arrived today. That Monty Python clip I posted the other day got me thinking of this sketch which now has entirely new meaning for me. Credit must go to my USNA buddy Mike Siepert who first suggested that the problems with my leg and my occupation made me uniquely qualified for a government grant to develop my silly walk.

I can't wait to wear it to physical therapy. One of the exercises we do actually looks a lot like the picture on the shirt. Except I have to hold my arm straight out parallel to the ground and kick it while I'm walking.
(FB readers click through to my blog for video)

An Anniversary

Yes, it was one year ago today that I fell at work and began the epic journey of recovery that still continues. Several people have asked how I plan to mark (celebrate just isn't the right word) the occasion.

So far I've mainly just been enjoying the day with lots of loud music and a little dancing around the house. Because I can! HALLELUJAH!!

I'm heading out for Slurpees with one of the boys in my youth group in a little while when he gets out of school. Other than that I am just glad that it is behind me, thankful for how far I've come and to all of the folks that have helped me get here.

Another Milestone

So this isn't quite the milestone that driving again was or not using the wheelchair anymore, but it was a big one socially and emotionally - I went to a concert at Ram's Head Live on Monday night. Now, you might think that's not such a big deal. I went to an Orioles game last fall and a Maryland Terps basketball game this winter, so what's the big deal about going to a concert, right? There were several factors that explain why I'm feeling especially good about this:

• The concert was Monday night right after my two hour plus physical therapy session
• The people that I went with were already in Baltimore, so I had to drive myself to and from the show.
• The venue is basically a dance club, so there is very little seating available

Doing anything after therapy has been a near impossibility until quite recently. Just a couple of weeks ago I would come home from therapy, set aside my cane and grab both crutches not wanting to put any weight on my leg. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch elevate my leg and ice it. So when Dan asked me last Thursday if I wanted to go I was intrigued, but told him not to get his hopes up. Add to that the fact that I would have to drive myself which would be more work for my leg. I would easily be able to wimp out, drive myself home after therapy and just not show up. The fear of not having seating and being in too much pain or not having the leg strength to drive myself home was also a concern. I've got to continue to be careful not to overdo it, but I've also got to make sure that I don't start using my disability as an excuse not to do things. So I went for it. I feel like a runner who has "hit the wall" and pushed through it. Obviously there is a very real physical component to how I'm doing and what I can do, but there is a huge mental component to contend with too.

I can't say it enough - Thank you so much for -

• Dr. Brumback's surgical skills
• The expertise of Amanda, Jessica, Sarah, Patty, Don and the whole gang at OSMC and for continuing to pushing me
• My parents' continued support (and help with the dogs) despite both of them joining me as knee patients
• Becky for all her emotional support and help with the youth group
• Family and friends who continue to cheer me on and never seem to tire of my constant updates on my progress (even especially if you are tired of it and are faking it for my sake. I love you for it.)
• First Presbyterian Church of Annapolis as an employer and as a faith community has given me more than I can ever put into words.

Without all of you I would not be as far along in my recovery as I am today.

Who, you ask was playing in Baltimore on Monday night that also helped inspire me to push through that mental wall? THE WAILERS as in Bob Marley and the.... Bob unfortunately passed away in 1981, but the band has found a very good lead singer in Elan Atias and they sounded fantastic. For this tour they are performing the entire 1977 album Exodus (plus some choice encore numbers). If you are a reggae fan this is a show to see. I made sure to snag a bar stool so that I could sit, but once the Wailers took the stage I couldn't resist the urge to stand, and although I don't think it was technically dancing, I was grooving along with the crowd.

ONE LOVE! "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel alright!"

Appointment with Brumback

Today I saw Dr. Brumback, the orthopaedic surgeon, for the first time in over two months. My x-rays looked good. No signs of infection still and no movement of any of the bones or hardware. I'm bearing quite a bit of weight now, so my fear has been to have a repeat of last summer - things shifting and collapsing as I put more weight on my right leg. That isn't happening this time and he used the words "the bone is healed" so that obviously is a good thing.

He was also pretty impressed with the progress that I've made at therapy and gave me a new slip to take to them so that we can continue to work towards getting me off of the cane and get me walking without any assistance.

What I've found out at therapy, and it was reinforced by what we saw in the x-rays today, is that my use of the cane has far less to do with the bone and knee joint now and much more to do with the atrophy that occurred to my muscles over the last year. Amanda (my physical therapist) has really zeroed in on specific muscle groups that I need to rebuild and strengthen in order to walk with out my cane. Basically the muscles on the right side from my lower back down to and including my thigh are not strong enough to keep me lined up when my left leg is off the ground. So my hips get torqued and twisted which will cause problems down the road if I don't fix that. I'm already noticing muscle pain and strain on my left side, especially in my lower back.

I'm still in a bit of limbo as it pertains to the workman's compensation flow chart. Sandy, my nurse case worker, talked to the church about my duties as facilities manager and will present those details along with Dr. Brumback's report from today's visit to the insurance company's adjuster to find out whether I move to the vocational phase or not. Apparently some companies will not move you to the vocational step if you are still in the medical rehabilitation phase. In cases like mine, where it is pretty apparent that returning to the same work is not realistic, but where there is still a need for physical therapy and rehabilitation for life in general, some companies will allow some overlap of the two phases. We don't yet know whether that is what they will decide or not. Dr. Brumback has given me three more months to work on things and I will see him again in June.

As I mentioned above, Amanda is really focusing on specific areas where I need improvement and she has been increasing weights and adding new exercises almost every time I go to therapy. My appointments now take over 2 hours. She's got me sidestepping over cones with 6 pound ankle weights on, using nautilus equipment, scooting myself up and down the hallway on a stool with wheels using only my injured leg, and even using the StairMaster.

Occasionally I get frustrated with my new limitations and I loose site of just how far I've come. It really is all about perspective. This clip of one of my favorite comedians, Louis C. K., on Conan illustrates just how quickly we forget the way things used to be and how silly we can be about things that aren't going how we want them to.



So with regards to my leg - Everything is amazing, and I'm extremely happy!

It's been quite a while since I posted anything...

and that's mainly because life has been returning to "normal" and I've actually been quite busy lately. There was one big development that I can't believe it has taken me until today to post about though....I'm driving again. Yippee! Independence!

I've been making good progress at PT and am able to bear quite a bit of weight on my right leg now. I started driving again on the 9th of February. I may have been able to start a little earlier, but my car was in the shop for repairs. My cooling system had a leak and the last I was driving it back in September it was overheating quite a bit. My dad took it in to the shop for me in the hopes that it would be ready the same time that I was ready. I think it was coordinated as closely as we could have hoped, although mentally I was ready to try before the car was back.

So, I had four days of practice behind the wheel and on Friday the 13th one of the other teachers and I headed into Washington DC for a weekend retreat with this year's Confirmation Class. We each drove three of the students in our respective cars. I took the boys and Jane took the girls. We had a great weekend.

We stayed at the Church of the Pilgrims just off of DuPont Circle and participated in a World Religions Tour. We attended a Friday evening service at the Washington Hebrew Congregation. On Saturday we visited the Islamic Center and Mosque. We were extremely fortunate to get to witness a wedding ceremony and afternoon prayers in addition to our tour. Saturday afternoon we toured the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, sometimes called America’s Catholic Church. After our tour we attended Mass with hundreds of Catholics visiting our Nation’s Capital. On Sunday morning we worshipped at St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Cathedral. It was quite a diverse collection of art, architecture, language and styles of worship. It was good to experience both the similarities and differences in the various faiths as we together explore what it means to be a Presbyterian.

People need to see that, far from being an obstacle, the world’s diversity of languages, religions and traditions is a great treasure, affording us precious opportunities to recognize ourselves in others.

--Youssou N’Dour, Musician

Slowly getting back to normal

This past week I've done a few things that are helping to make life more "normal." For the past nine months I have spent most of my time when I am at home in the same spot on the couch. It has been a bit difficult to differentiate for what purpose I am on the couch. Consequently I have found it difficult to stay on a normal schedule and be productive. Granted, I've had to adjust my perception of what being productive entails. That doesn't change the fact that my "command center," as I started to think of it, was starting to become a hinderance. It was set up so that I could do just about everything from the couch - eat, sleep, work on the computer, watch TV, talk on the phone etc. It was perfect for when I was not able to move easily or without a lot of pain. That time has now passed and it was long overdue that I get back to normal.

There were some things that I needed to take care of first and I have finally done them. When Danielle moved out I let her take the mattress because she couldn't afford a bed. I kept the bed because the bedroom set was my grandfather's. So even though I could have physically moved back to the bedroom a little while ago, I had no mattress on my bed. Thursday I went to Sam's Club and got one. So I've been sleeping in bed for the last 4 nights. The other big change that I still needed to make was to move my computer back to the desk, which I did today.

It got very hard for me to tell whether I was on the couch because it was bed time, time to do work, or time to relax and watch a movie/show. It all became a blur. But now sleeping, working (or using the computer), and relaxing are again separated, each with their designated place.

I'm getting out for my PT appointments twice a week, going in to the church for meetings once or twice on week days and Sundays are my busiest day. I've also been out with friends a few times and am running errands with my parents or with my sister. Its amazing how little things like these (and the changes around the house) can do so much to make me feel human again and not like a patient.

The next big steps will be to lose the crutches and start driving again. I'm not quite there yet, but neither of those things are far off.

My New Cane Arrived Today

Ain't she purty? The flames will make me appear much faster than I'm actually moving. This was a Christmas gift from my parents.

But my dad didn't want to just give me a card with a note saying "Pick out a cane you like and we'll buy it for you." That would have been far too easy and not nearly as much fun as what he did.

I did get a "coupon" for the purchase of a real cane in a Christmas card too, but the cane pictured at left was wrapped and leaning against the wall behind the Christmas tree.

Dad fabricated it in the shop and wrapped it so that I could open it. He also sanded it really well in case my nieces wanted to play with it, but they were pretty occupied with the gifts they got (go figure). It is not strong enough to use as an actual cane, but it is in my umbrella stand with my others and makes for a nice reaching stick when the dog looses a ball behind the desk or something along those lines.

I've never watched the show, but apparently the cane with the flames on it is sometimes used by the lead character on the show House. The web site where I order the cane, Fashionable Canes and Walking Sticks markets it as an exact replica of the cane used by Dr. Gregory House. Although from the pictures his is a "tourist" or shepherd's crook style top and I much prefer the "derby" handle.

I'm able to use it, but my leg is not quite used to that much weight yet so I'm still using the crutches most of the time. I use both whenever I leave home and for any prolonged time I'm going to spend standing and walking. I use one crutch around the house and at the office when I've been there. Having a hand free makes such a huge difference in my independence.

The physical therapist was glad to hear that I can move to full weight bearing and has added several new exercises to my routine to achieve that goal. She said she is shooting for February 1st to have me off of the crutches. That gives me a little more than two weeks to build up the strength and get my leg used to having weight on it again. I'm not making huge improvements in my range of motion, but we did get it to 60 degrees last night.

Follow up with Dr. Brumback Today

I saw Dr. Brumback, the orthopaedic traumatologist, today for a follow up and x-ray. This was the first appointment with him since the week of Thanksgiving, so six weeks. Thankfully there was no sign of infection (8 weeks off of antibiotics) and he said that the bone was healed. He was pleased with the x-ray. He cleared me to progress to full weight bearing and even to drive. He said that there was no specific time table for making that progression and that it was up to me based on my comfort to go to one crutch, a cane or nothing at all. I've already tested out one crutch around the house a little bit.

As for my range of motion he was back to Mr. Worst Case Scenario. He really doesn't think that I'm going to get much more bend than I am right now (that's not new actually) . He even suggested that I didn't have to do any physical therapy if I didn't want to. He did however think it made sense when the Worker's Comp Case Nurse and I both said that I would continue. They can help me transition to full weight bearing, are my best hope for proving him wrong by getting more bend and have equipment that I don't have at home to strengthen my leg. He agreed that it was a good idea and said that he would write them a new prescription if they needed one at PT.

He and my Nurse Case Manger spent a bit of time discussing my future and when he anticipated determining that I had reached MMI (Maximum Medical Improvement). He talked about the strange (and somewhat frustrating) timeline imposed by the insurance companies on cases like mine. He said it used to really bother him, but now he just accepts that's how it is. He commiserated with my state of limbo though. He estimated that it would be two to three months before he would make that determination. So even though he thinks I should probably start thinking about and looking into work that doesn't require me to climb ladders and scaffolding we haven't reached that point in the process for the workman's compensation time line. I've got some ideas on that, but I'll save that for another post.

My next appointment with him is in two months.

Physical Therapy Begins (again)

I had my first appointment with Jessica today. I've been doing my exercises at home since Thanksgiving when I was cleared for therapy by Dr. Brumback, but this was the first actual appointment. I had to fill out all the new patient forms and be evaluated again so that they have a base line for this time around. I know that my knee is bending more now that it did at Thanksgiving when I got the go ahead to start working on it, but I was still pleasantly surprised that she measured it at 40 degrees when I was just sitting on the edge of the table and letting it "dangle." She was able to gently push it to 53 degrees without any major pain, so that's a great starting point. She said that she could feel a great deal of difference. There was resistance, but she said it felt more like soft tissue and not the bone on bone contact that I had through the spring and summer. She also thought it looked much more like a normal knee than it ever did before --normal except for the nasty scar and bulging muscle flap/skin graft area of course.

Jessica said that she and Amanda (the PT Director) will both be working with me and that they were going to enroll me in the Knee Group that meets every Monday and Wednesday afternoon. They are apparently really booked up and getting appointments is pretty difficult. This way I'll have two standing appointments every week. She said the group is mostly younger patients with ACL and other sports related injuries as opposed to other groups which are mostly knee replacements on older patients, so it should be a good fit for me.

I'm pretty happy with how things went and glad to be starting a new phase of the recovery process.

I picked up my last present on the way home and have already wrapped it, so I'm pretty well set for Christmas.

Dad, Jesko, Bill, Steve and Matt Hays and I are all heading to the Maryland basketball game tonight. Go Terps!!

Therapy and Blue Jeans

I haven't written in a while because there hasn't been much to report since my big appointment with Dr. Brumback last week.

I stopped in to the physical therapy clinic and made an appointment with Jessica. She didn't have any openings until the 22nd, so I'm on the cancellation list in case anything opens up sooner. I was disappointed that I have to wait, but luckily I've been through this already and can get a head start. I did get to talk to her though and have been doing my exercises at home this past week.

Being free of the leg brace has certainly made life much simpler. I can actually wear real clothes again. I don't think I've had jeans on since March. Its amazing the little things that one learns to appreciate when you have to do without for a while.

Other than that I've been working on youth stuff and had several meetings this week. We're gearing up for this year's confirmation class, getting the spring calendar finalized and working on an alternative worship service for the older elementary school kids. It is good to be busy.

It is hard to believe that Advent has arrived. I love the anticipation of what is to come.

Better Than Expected

The way that things have gone with my knee injury and recovery I've learned that realistic (and even pessimistic) expectations are a good way to keep from being disappointed and discouraged. So I went into today's appointment figuring that I would have an x-ray taken, Dr. Brumback would look at it, and he would -

a) tell me things were OK, but it was too soon to tell and he would need to see me again before making any decisions.
b) say things didn't appear to be healing and the infection may be back. OR
c) say things looked OK and we would start physical therapy to strengthen my leg and work on bending it some.

My appointment with Dr. Brumback today went so much better than expected. Not only did he write my a prescription for PT, but he also said that I could stop wearing the leg brace and slowly begin to work on putting some weight on that leg.

He was very pleased with the x-ray and authorized me to do so much more than I anticipated in my wildest dreams. I was expecting to be totally non-weight bearing until mid-December based on his prognosis after surgery in September and assumed that the infection was going to extend that time line into the new year.

I am thrilled. Mom, Dad and I stopped at Chevy's for margaritas and quesadillas to celebrate on the way home.

I'm not out of the woods yet when it comes to the infection and may never be completely. It is most likely to reoccur withing six weeks of stopping the antibiotics, but could rear its head in a year, ten or more possibly. Its something that he said he will always be on the look out for and will factor into the decision for any future surgeries (which will hopefully be a long way off). My next appointment is in six weeks and now I can shift into the next phase of my recovery - physical therapy. Hopefully I can get back in at the same place I was before and work with Jessica again.

It sure is nice to have some good news to share for a change!!

I Saw Dr. Higgins Today

This was my final visit to the plastic surgeon and like the previous visits it was entertaining and full of positive information. Dr. Higgins was very happy with how things look and said that if it wasn't for the underlying bone issue I would be cleared for contact sports or whatever else I wanted to do. No need for bandages any more, just the knee brace and crutches/walker/wheelchair.

He was visibly a little disappointed that my appointment with Dr. Brumback isn't until next week. He was hoping to know how the bone was doing and if the infection was gone. He was asking about that before he even looked at my leg. He's certainly not alone in that desire. Hopefully we will know something in less than a week.

I debated putting pictures up earlier because things looked a bit gruesome. Things still aren't pretty by anyone's stretch of the imagination, but relative to how things looked a few weeks ago I think things are looking really good.

So here are some photos so you can see how things look. I've only put thumbnails up so that if you don't care to see them you can ignore them. If you do want to check things out just click on each picture to enlarge it.




The large reddish oval on my knee is the area where the muscle flap was placed and covered with a skin graft. That area is still a bit swollen and will continue to shrink. The color will also fade and become more like the rest of my skin or a normal scar. The third picture is the scar up the back of my leg where Dr. Higgins gained access to my calf muscle to borrow a piece for the muscle flap. The forth picture that shows a big red rectangle next to my Micky Mouse tattoo is the donor site on my thigh where Dr. Higgins took skin to use for the graft. It too will fade in color and eventually just be a normal colored scar.

No one is going to be contacting me to become a Rockette or a leg model anytime soon that's for sure. Good thing I wasn't counting on either of those for a career path.