Things that I miss....

(or at the very least wish I could do to help out)
(and in no particular order)

• getting around without crutches or a chair
• driving
• going to work
• taking the dogs for a walk
• sleeping in bed
• pacing
• painting
• kneeling
• sitting in the front seat of a car
• going up stairs 2 at a time and coming down 3 or 4 at a time
• making the rounds on the church campus
• sitting at a desk to use the computer
• climbing scaffolding
• Saturday mornings with the sweat equity crew
• walking downtown to Starbucks for coffee with Dan
• getting food or a drink for myself without having to plan it out
• taking a shower in a standing position
• wearing something other than t-shirts and gym shorts
• rough housing with the dogs
• wearing shoes that lace up
• dancing
• the satisfying smell of saw dust in the air and having paint on my hands and clothes
• having strangers look at me without pity in their eyes
• yard work (that one really surprises me)

Its now been eight weeks since my accident. I know this is temporary and that I will be able to do all of these things again, but I'm a bit frustrated. I have only a limited amount of responsibility right now and my "to do" list is shorter than it has been in a long while, but I'm having difficulty finding the motivation to do the things on it. The old adage that my dad always told me is so true - "if you want something done, assign it to the busiest person around." I have a much easier time getting things done when I am busy.

Truth be told, I've been a bit depressed this past week. I don't have the pain and fear or the wonderful distraction of many visitors that were so present the first few weeks. I'm in this weird in between stage where I'm not in need of the same level of care but I'm still limited in what I can do. Everything takes way too much planning and energy for my liking. I feel like I can't just "do" something. I have to figure out how I'm going to get there and back, whether I will be able to sit comfortably when I get there, what the accessibility features are and if what I want to do is enough of a draw to offset all of the annoying and unknown factors that there are. And time...everything takes so much longer. I just can't move fast enough and have to factor extra time into everything.

I'm not losing hope though. I'm just frustrated with my current status. This too shall pass.